Cold meds: Convincing little suckers

What I’ve discovered after a weekend of intense cold/allergy/flu med therapy:

Cold/allergy/flu meds make you hungry. Like, five PJ&J sandwiches in a freaking row hungry. Like, I need pancakes and grits, too, hungry. Which reminds me, why is it so stupid hard to find APPLE JELLY in the grocery store? Grape is boring.

Cold/allergy/flu meds give you freaky dreams. I’m unpacking my bags now because no, my mama did NOT call to say we were going on a girls’ trip to Key West. And no, my favorite curly-haired friend did NOT cut his locs and dye his baby hair* blonde. And NO, nobody asked me to knit a burqa.

Cold/allergy/flu meds make you babble. Like, you’re talking and “bibbetyboppetyboo” and “untangently” pop quite logically into the conversation. Friends get off the phone FAST.

Cold/allergy/flu meds make you eat everything in sight (not to be confused with simply making you hungry). After the five sandwiches, pancakes and grits, you NEED a bowl of soup, a glass of juice, and a salad before you go out for sushi. Because feed a cold, baby.

Cold/allergy/flu meds are unifying. Our cats, who can’t enter the same room without growling, fighting, acting generally like cats, sniffed out the cold meds in me and collapsed on top of me at the same time. It had nothing to do with the burning fever radiating from the body. Maybe not even the cold meds. IT IS THE END TIMES.

Cold/allergy/flu meds make you tired, which makes you babble about being hungry, which makes you eat yet again before going to sleep. HASHTAG APPLEJELLYBABY.

Cold/allergy/flu meds make you grateful for how grandma took care of you when you were just a little sick and also very sick. Your grandma loved you, in all your whining, sniffling, overeating glory, even when you were being a snotty brat. Kiss her if you can.

Cold/allergy/flu meds make you think you’re funny. Maybe you shouldn’t mix the three. Maybe you should read the instructions. No, that would be silly.

*baby hair, for you folks who didn’t grow up in the 70s, is what people call the very edges of hair, usually around the front of the scalp. it’s fine and soft, like most babies’ hair is at birth. It usually falls out, but sometimes, some folks keep theirs in the front. Back in the 70s and 80s, it was popular to grease down the baby hair and keep it slicked toward the face because if you could do THAT, you were the SCHTUFF. true fact, y’all. true fact.

 

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